The Pieces We Keep
by Starlight77
Summary: Takes place after S2 finale with Haley standing at Nathan's door. Where do they go from here?
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Pieces We Keep

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. It's quite sad.

A/N: This fanfic is for Ivonne for our little fanfic exchange at the TWC. She wanted an angsty story that took place after the S2 finale with Haley standing at the door.

A/N 2: The biggest biggest thank you to Luna for being so extremely helpful and supportive with this.

Feedbackwould be quite lovely. I'd love to hear what you all think!

_There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it. - George Bernard Shaw_

Surreal. That was the only word to describe what it was like seeing her, his wife, before him.

Opening the door, he was sure that it must've been a dream. A trick of the eyes.

After all, she had been gone for so long and he hadn't stopped thinking of her. Hadn't stopped thinking of how wonderful she smelled when her hair tickled his nose, how yummy she tasted when her tongue was dancing with his, how lovely she sounded when her voice whispered into his ear, how soft she felt when her hand brushed against his cheek, how peaceful she looked when her petite body was tucked safely against his larger one.

She may have left him, but the memories of her had stayed behind. Haunting him like a ghost.

He had to wonder if what he was seeing before him now was a ghost as well. Maybe he was finally becoming delusional and had conjured her image up before him. It wasn't entirely out of the question. He'd been doing a lot of crazy things over the past few weeks. Insulting a teacher at school with a beer in hand, landing himself in jail, driving himself into a wall.

But when he looked down for a second and lifted his eyes back up, she was still there.

Looking solid and real and broken and afraid.

Then she spoke. Her voice sounded strange to his ears. He didn't know if it was because he hadn't heard it for so long, or if it was because he didn't think he'd ever heard her sound so helpless and vulnerable.

Either way, he didn't know what to make of her simple "hi."

He'd never had to make anything of it before. The word had been typical, a standard greeting that had always been tossed around lightly between them.

He'd come home from work and she'd stop whatever she was doing, cooking or studying, to look up and say "hi." Then he'd drop his keys on the counter, and before he knew it she'd have her hands wrapped around his neck and her body pressed against his with her lips inches away, ready to give him a proper greeting.

He wondered now, as his eyes simply continued to take in the sight of her, what the proper greeting was for this moment.

Her "hi" seemed unfitting considering how long she'd been gone, considering where she'd been and with whom - considering the fact that she'd left him, and her old life, all behind. And here she was again, showing up out of nowhere, and that two-letter word was all she could say.

And yet, he didn't know what to say himself. He wasn't sure how he should feel. He'd dreamt of this moment, when she would come back to him, for a long time.

When he'd been bitter and angry, he could see himself yelling at her and demanding answers. During those times that he woke up in the morning, seeing her empty pillow beside him, he could imagine taking her up in his arms - forgetting about everything she'd done - and just burying his head in her neck, simply wanting to breathe in her scent once more and never let go.

And lying in the hospital bed after the crash, he'd finally understood why she left to go on tour. So he'd done what he thought was best for them, what he thought was best for her. He'd given her an out. He'd told her not to come home, sure that she would listen and chase after her dream freely without him holding her back.

That had put things in perspective for him and he'd decided to focus on his own dreams. Dreams that had become nearly buried in his resolve to devote himself entirely to his wife and to their marriage.

Like he'd told Lucas, he couldn't pretend anymore. He couldn't pretend to believe that love was enough when all that had happened told him otherwise. When so many people, for so long, had been telling him otherwise.

He'd loved Haley as best he could and he was sure she'd loved him, but she had left anyways and broken his heart.

Tragedies happened, and all he could do was pick up the pieces and keep on going.

He would attend High Flyers and when he got back from Florida, he'd be living with his parents again. Somehow, he and his mom would figure out how to break free of Dan.

After weeks of feeling lost and uncertain, he'd finally found some sense of focus and figured out a plan. He was going to put Haley and his marriage behind him and move on with his life.

After all, sometimes they don't come back.

But she had come back, and all he could do was look blankly at her and fumble with his hands.

Haley's presence here now hadn't been part of the plan.

For some reason, she always managed to upset all his plans. She'd done so from the moment she'd first stepped into his life and made him care for her so much that he couldn't use her to stick it to Lucas. Once again, he'd underestimated her ability to throw his world upside down.

Because as he saw her shiver involuntarily and stare at him with sheer pain and fear in her eyes, he couldn't help but care.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks to all those who replied. I really appreciate it.

And things are definitely not going to be easy for Nathan and Haley, but I hope you'll all bear with me as those two figure out where they're going to go from here.

Also, this chapter is dedicated to all my girls at the TWC: Janet, Lena, Ivonne, and Stace. I wouldn't be writing this, or writing in general, if it weren't for all of them.

And this chapter's from Haley's POV. I'll be switching POVs with each chapter. She was harder to write than Nathan, since we didn't get to see much of her near the end of the season. So I'm not as sure about this chapter as I was about the last, and I'd love to hear what you think!

Big thanks to **Luna** for her awesome beta-ing skills!

**Chapter 2**

_It was not a question of love. It was a question of a man. - D.H. Lawrence_

She was surprised that she'd even been able to make it to the front door. She was sure that once she saw the house she'd panic and flee back to New York like a coward.

Because she was a coward. She'd run away from Nathan, run away from home, and been too afraid to admit that she'd made a mistake and go back.

When Luke had visited her in New York, she had tried to explain to him as best she could why she couldn't go back. She couldn't return to her old life, not when she'd been away from it so long and her new one was just beginning. She'd told him that she didn't deserve Nathan's love. She'd told him that Nathan had specifically told her not to come back.

They'd all been excuses though, every single one of them. She could see in Luke's eyes that he didn't believe her, didn't believe she really meant what she was saying. And in truth, she didn't believe any of it either. Because even as the excuses rolled off her tongue, all the logical reasons why she shouldn't go back swirling around in her head, she knew in her heart that she still wanted to be with him.

But standing here now, a mute Nathan before her, she wasn't sure she if he still wanted to be with her.

They'd been standing there for probably only a few minutes, though it felt like eternity, and he hadn't given her any sign of how he was feeling.

She wanted him to yell or scream or do something, anything to let her know he still cared.

She would've even loved to see that same smug smile he'd given her when they first stood like this at the very beginning of the school year, when she made it clear that she would only tutor him on two conditions.

"Take it or leave it," she'd said and he'd agreed to her demands.

She didn't know if she could handle it if he decided she wasn't worth the trouble this time.

Even the thought of it was too much to bear, and she felt herself shaking though the air outside wasn't at all cool. She thought she saw emotion flicker into his eyes just then, but he spoke before she could think any more of it.

His voice was even as he asked her, "Do you want to come in?"

She nodded her head, inwardly relieved that he hadn't asked her to leave.

Stepping into the house, she eyed her surroundings warily; it had been a long time since she'd been in the Scott house.

She immediately noticed the suitcases lying near her feet, and felt her heart constrict at the sight. She knew that Nathan was moving back in here now, but for some reason actually seeing his stuff there did the fact really hit her.

He told her once that he would never go back there, but she had wondered at the time, questioning whether he truly missed it.

"_You don't ever miss it? Not even just a little bit?" she asked him doubtfully._

_They were lying on the couch together, arms and legs tangled, on a lazy Sunday._

"_No, why would I?"_

"_I don't know. You just lived there for so long with your parents and all. I mean that place is huge and it's got so much stuff. Even when I was scared of running into Dan, that didn't keep me from going over to use your high-speed internet connection and plasma TV."_

"_So you were just using me for all my cool stuff, huh?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at her. "I'm hurt Hales, I'm really hurt," he said, placing his hand on his heart for emphasis._

"_Oh stop it! You know that's not true. If anything, I use you for your body," she exclaimed, pushing her lips insistently on his._

"_Mmm…well you are welcome to do that anytime you like. I have no complaints there," he mumbled between kisses._

_She pulled away from him suddenly, resting her head on his chest and listening to the sound of his heartbeat. She loved doing that. He'd whispered in her ear once that his heart always beat louder around her because it was just bursting with love, and she'd giggled at that knowing he was quoting from one of her horribly corny romance novels again. He liked to do that to tease her, and she'd always brush him off as best she could but for some reason that one declaration had always stuck with her. Secretly, she liked to believe it was true._

"_Hales?"_

"_Hmm?" she questioned softly, enjoying the way his chest rumbled under her cheek as he spoke._

"_I don't miss it. Honestly. It was never really home anyways, or at least it hadn't been for a long time. Besides, I don't really think a home is just a house or a place, ya know? I _

_mean even when I first moved into this apartment, it didn't really feel like home to me. Not until you moved in. For me…home is wherever you are."_

"_Yeah…me too. Me too," she answered sleepily, as she fell asleep to the sound of how his heart beat especially for her._

Home. She wasn't even sure where that was anymore.

Remembering the red bag that was strapped over her shoulder, she wasn't even sure where she was going to stay that night.

Noticing Nathan make his way to the next room, she shook her head of such thoughts and followed him in – there were more important things she needed to think about right now.

She took a seat in the middle of the couch, while Nathan sat in a chair beside it.

"Nathan…" she started, unsure of what to say but wanting to do anything to break the awkward silence that had settled between them.

Her weak attempt failed however, and the only sound Haley could hear was the thumping of her own heartbeat. She wondered if Nathan could hear it too, but if so he gave no sign.

"Nathan?" she tried again, but he remained unmoving as if she wasn't even in the room.

Her heart pounded in her chest louder, not bursting with love but bursting with fear. Nathan hadn't looked at her once since he'd asked her to come in.

She wondered if it was because it hurt too much to do so. Or maybe it was out of bitterness, a lack of caring, or simply boredom.

None of the options were appealing.

Biting her lip, she tried to keep from crying. Tears would do her no good right now. She wouldn't try to evoke any pity or sympathy. She knew she didn't deserve any.

She didn't think she deserved anything he might have to give her.

"Why are you here, Haley?" his voice broke through her thoughts and she looked up at him, surprised at the bitterness in his voice.

"I…"

"You what? Decided to drop by and say hi? That's really thoughtful of you, _sweetheart_," he said smirking, his voice mocking, "but if that was all you could've just left a voicemail or sent a letter. I know how busy you are with the tour. Or is your stop here a little detour on your way to the next big city? If so, I hope your visit isn't too much of an inconvenience. I know that husbands can be like that for you."

He spit the last part out, and Haley knew that the shock from seeing her had worn off. Now, Nathan was displaying an emotion that she could recognize – anger.

"It's not like that, Nathan. You know it's never been like that," she stated as calmly as she could, her voice a little shakier than she liked. She couldn't let him get the better of her. She knew he was just trying to provoke her and that's not what she had come back for.

"Do I, Haley? Because all I know is that my wife left me to go on a music tour with some ugly ass poser and the only time I hear from her after that is through a few phone calls that she's able to make when she has some spare time to waste on the guy she left behind. And oh, the next time I see her she basically leaves me standing there, dejected, while she goes off to please her adoring crowd after I'd driven four freakin' hours just to see _her_. The only time she was going to even bother to come back was because I'd nearly killed myself by crashing into a stupid wall. Except here you are now and I have no idea why because you haven't bothered to fill me in on the details yet. How long are you going to be staying this time Haley, huh? What made you come back? You say I know what it's like, but I really don't think I do. Explain it to me. Because I am so fucking tired of trying to figure it all out."

The anger had crept out of his voice now, and she watched as he sank back further into his chair.

He gazed back at her with such a defeated look on his face, and she could feel the tears pushing behind her eyes.

She had done this. She was responsible for the broken man she saw before her.

She wanted to hug him. She wanted to run her hand through his hair and kiss all his troubles away.

He was broken, and she'd always been the one to fix him.

But how could she when she was so broken herself?

"Hales," he whispered, just loud enough for her to hear, "just tell me the truth. That's all I'm asking for here. I think you at least owe me that."

The truth?

Did she even know what was true anymore, she wondered.

Just a couple months ago, she had. She'd been certain, so sure, about so many things. Back then, the truth had seemed as clear as a crystal.

Since then, she'd learned it was as fragile as one too.

It seemed like everything she'd believed in had shattered, and she was doing everything she could to make something of the shards.

She closed her eyes, trying to clear her head from all the worries and doubts plaguing her mind.

The truth? What was the truth?

She opened her eyes slowly, hoping the answer would miraculously appear before her and her gaze was immediately drawn to Nathan's slumped figure.

He was playing with his hands. It was a common habit of his that she used to tease him about, his one sign of nervousness. She couldn't help but smile at it; it was one of the many little things he did that she loved about him.

Love…

She still loved Nathan, didn't she? It was why she was here in the first place.

It was the one thing that had remained true, the one thing that she was still sure of amidst all the doubt and confusion.

She loved Nathan. That was her truth.

And she couldn't give up on their love. If she could salvage something from the wreckage, then she would.

She cleared her throat, determined.

"Nathan, it was never a matter of whether I loved you or not. I want you to know that. I know it may be hard to believe with what I'm about to say now but it wasn't. I always loved you. I…I still do. I think I always will, even if you don't love me back."

She felt a pang in her heart at the thought and looked over to gauge his reaction, but his eyes remained downcast as he continued to fiddle with his hands.

He wasn't wearing his wedding ring, she noticed, for the first time.

Forcing herself not to dwell on it, she went on, "When I left you that night to go on tour, it was the hardest decision I ever made. You of all people know how much my music means to me and when you gave me that ultimatum…it broke my heart. I never wanted to choose. I never thought I would have to. I mean you were the one who encouraged me to sing in the first place. I cannot thank you enough for that. I would've never had the courage to do so otherwise. But then…then Chris came into the picture and suddenly it was like he was all you could see even when my dreams were happening for me…right then. And I just I couldn't pass up that chance, ya know? I mean I wanted it and I know it was selfish of me but I couldn't help how I felt. But I can't even begin to describe how much it hurt to get on that bus."

She was silent for a moment, as both reflected back onto that night. The night everything had changed.

"Then when I was on tour, singing in front of all those people, it was great you know? It felt so good to have people cheering for you like that, knowing that they enjoyed your music. That it touched them in some way. It's what I'd dreamt about ever since I was a little girl but I couldn't stop the feeling that there was something missing. When you drove to see me, I wasn't lying when I told you that I was glad you had come. Because I was, and I just…I wanted you to be proud of me. And then you left and I know it was my fault. And at that point, everything was just such a mess with you and me and there was still the music and the tour and I just…I didn't know how to fix it. Then when I heard about the crash, I was so worried about you. But then you told me not to come home, and so I didn't even though everything in me was screaming for me to do so. Because that void in me just kept getting bigger even with the singing and the crowds. And I kept hearing what you told me about how we could end up resenting each other and how we don't know what's going to happen in the future. And it just hit me…that yeah, I didn't know what was going to happen. Maybe my music career would be short-lived, and it made me sad to think about it. But you know what made me sadder? The thought of you and me ending before we even had a chance to really begin. I realized then that even if I didn't know what was going to happen in the future, I could face it if I had you there by my side. And I was going to go home but Dan came and he gave me…he gave me the annulment papers."

She exhaled slowly, willing herself to stay strong. She didn't dare look Nathan in the eye, afraid of what she might see if she did.

"I couldn't go home after that. It was so hard to explain that to Luke when he came up to visit. I mean you and I were…we were, well I had to move on with my life. It hurt. It hurt a lot, but I knew I had to. But then something…well, more like someone…changed my mind."

She stopped then to look him in the eyes and he waited for her to continue but she simply continued to stare. He sighed then, in understanding, and asked softly, "Who, Hales?"

"Your mother."

"Mom?"

"Yeah, she wrote me a letter. I guess it was part of her rehab program you know. Making amends and all that to everyone in your life that you needed to. I was looking through all my fan mail just a couple days after Luke left, and there it was. I was so surprised, but I opened it and…she apologized for treating me the way she did. She wrote that she should've handled our marriage better. But the thing that got me was what she wrote about how she understood if I couldn't forgive her, but she had to try. She had to at least believe she could have a second chance with all the people she'd wronged, and if not that they could at least forgive her, for all of her mistakes."

She stared straight into Nathan's eyes as she said it, the unspoken question lingering between them.

"Haley, I…"

He stopped suddenly, both slightly jumping at the sound of the phone ringing.

"Should we get that?"

"No, my mom will. She's upstairs."

"Oh."

The phone stopped ringing then, and both simply sat in silence. Haley found herself fascinated with the oak table in front of her, while Nathan stared at his hands again.

They both looked up quickly though as they heard steps rushing down the stairs. Deb entered the room, an unreadable expression on her face.

"Nathan, something's happened to your father."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything. It's quite sad. I don't even own the title which is the name of a song by the band A Small Victory.

**A/N:** So it's been pretty much almost three years since I first posted this story and last updated it. But I was listening to a song on my iPod a month ago and got randomly inspired and so I decided I am going to finish this story because it's just no fun leaving things unfinished.

But yeah, this story takes place after the S2 finale and only follows the show up through the S2 finale.

**A/N 2:** Biggest thanks to **Diane** who beta'd this for me. You're wonderful darling!

Leave me feedback if you will!

* * *

_ When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. _

_-- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray_

* * *

Three days had passed since that night Haley had unexpectedly shown up on his doorstep. With the fire at the dealership and his father in critical condition in the hospital, there hadn't been much time to talk to Haley about where they stood. The conversation they'd had the night she came back had ended at a critical juncture, he knew, but honestly he had welcomed the distraction of the fire and his father's state – as selfish as it was – as an opportunity to not think about her, not think about his marriage.

But now that it was clear that his father would survive and the police were doing everything they could to determine who had started the fire, things had cooled down around his house and his mother was pushing him to still go to High Flyers, saying she would take care of everything with his father while he was gone.

_But who would take care of Haley?_, he couldn't help but wonder to himself after his mother had said that.

Immediately, he had felt like the biggest pussy after he'd thought it. He was disgusted at how pathetic he'd become.

She had left _him_. She had left him even when he'd asked her not to. She had left him to go with some jerk that just wanted to get into her pants, that didn't see her like Nathan did for the beautiful and talented and amazing woman that she was.

Chris didn't appreciate her like Nathan did. Nobody could ever appreciate her the way he did.

And that pissed him off.

He'd loved her in every possible way that he could. He'd given her everything: his love, his trust, and his support.

But what had she done with it?

She'd willingly left it all behind to chase after some music dream.

And here he was, on the verge of fulfilling one of his own dreams, of attending one of the most prestigious basketball camps in the country that would definitely help improve his game in a way that could be vital to getting drafted into the NBA one day, and what was all he could think of?

If Haley would be alright without him. If their marriage would be able to survive more distance, more time apart, if he left.

He began to throw the basketball up and down as he lay face up on his bed, hoping the familiar rhythm would help soothe him.

This wouldn't have been a problem if she hadn't left him in the first place. One summer apart wouldn't have been a problem at all, if she hadn't already been gone for three months.

If they had still been together, married, happy, in love, then he could've gone to High Flyers, reassured of the fact that she'd be waiting for him when he got back.

Instead, he was here lying on the bed in his bedroom at his parents' house – a place he swore he'd never go back to – wondering how the heck his life had gotten so fucking complicated.

Angry, he began to throw the basketball up with even more force.

You fell in love, the cynical side of him said. You fell in love and got fucked over because of it.

Love. Just the thought of it, just the word itself, was painful to hear. It seemed like a constant ache had overtaken his body ever since Haley had left, like a tight vise constricting his heart in his chest. When she first left, it had hurt the worse, tightening up so much it was like he could barely breathe. That was when he'd slumped around the apartment like a man lost in the desert, thirsting for something entirely out of reach.

After the racing accident, the vise had loosened up just enough so that he could actually begin to make something of his life again. The ache had still remained, but it didn't threaten to overwhelm him like it had before, instead there was a dull throbbing pain in his belly that only intensified when his thoughts had lingered on his wife a little longer than he'd meant to when he heard a song on the radio that she used to sing all the time around the house or he'd walk by the docks where they'd had their first tutoring session.

Seeing Haley had made the pain return again to match the intensity of when she'd first left him. But this time, what he felt was even worse, much worse, because mixed in with the pain was that part of him that was glad to see her.

That part was dangerous. It was the part of him that just wanted to race over to their old apartment where he knew she was shacking up with Brooke and kiss the holy hell out of her, feeling her blunt nails scraping against his back and her shapely curves creating the most delicious friction as she moved her body against his and he cupped her perfect ass in his palms. He could almost hear her breathy moan as he nibbled lightly on her earlobe in the way he knew would drive her crazy and he felt a certain part of his anatomy beginning to respond to his fantasies.

He threw the basketball across the room, frustrated with himself and his lack of control. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, willing himself to think about something else other than having mind-blowing sex with his wife.

But in his plan to forget, his thoughts traveled to even more dangerous territory and he thought back to that night she had come back and those words she had told him, words that had been seared into his brain and his heart right as she was saying them, that clenched the vise around his heart and made it ache to the point that he nearly thought he couldn't handle it, that he really couldn't breathe anymore.

_"Nathan, it was never a matter of whether I loved you or not. I want you to know that. I know it may be hard to believe with what I'm about to say now but it wasn't. I always loved you. I…I still do. I think I always will, even if you don't love me back."_

Her confession shook him more than he would ever care to admit, making him feel a number of conflicting emotions all at once.

Because…love. There was that word again. The concept that was the source of his current state of misery and longing and confusion. And really, he was so fucking confused, because the people in his life had a funny way of showing their love. His dad was supposed to love him and he constantly belittled him with his words, made him feel the need to be ruthless in order to be the best in basketball. His mother was supposed to love him and she had abandoned him to his father more times than he could count, only now beginning to make amends in their relationship.

And Haley, she was supposed to love him and she had left him when he had promised her forever. Promised to love and protect her always and forever.

And it sucked, because in the depths of his heart, he knew she meant it when she said that it was never a matter of love when she left to go on tour, of whether she loved him or not. And he knew that she meant it when she said she still loved him…and it just sucked, because…because it just didn't seem love was enough.

With Haley, for the first time in his life, it really seemed like it had been, that it would be enough. He'd grown up with such a screwed up version of love and marriage in the example of his parents, but when he'd asked Haley to marry him, he had done it because with her…what they had just seemed so terribly right, so staggeringly perfect in a way he had never thought, much less dreamed, was possible.

Haley had shown him what love was truly like. She had shown him all that it could and should be.

She had loved him even when she had seen him at what he'd thought was his worst, when he'd passed out from the pills and she'd let him stay the night even after he'd pressured her into more during their make-out session on her bed just the night before. She had witnessed the fun of a Scott family dinner when he'd foolishly thought to invite her over for Thanksgiving, thinking his father and grandfather would at least be able to be civil in the presence of a guest. She had loved him even when he'd freaked out over her tattoo of his number and been an ass in suggesting that it meant that she should be ready to have sex with him.

Haley had been with him for all of those things and more, with her gentle touch and her caring smile and her forceful but always loving words. She had been perfect; she had seemed perfect in his eyes.

He wondered now if he had been right to ask her to marry him. That maybe he had done so in the hope that her perfection and their love would be enough to sustain them. That maybe he had done so in the fear of losing the only family that had ever loved him like she did, unconditionally – having seen him in all his vulnerability and all his weakness.

Weakness. He should've known that Haley was just as weak. He should've known when he had come back to the apartment to see her crying as she sorted through their CD collection, hysterical over the fact that they didn't have any doubles. He should've known that she wasn't ready to be married when she wasn't even a senior in high school, like she had cried to him that night. He should've known that she had her own dreams as well, belatedly realizing that he'd forced her to choose between them and him when he had given her that ultimatum.

He should've known all these things.

She had failed him by leaving maybe, but he had failed her also.

Because he should've known, when he asked her to marry him, that love…it isn't always enough.


End file.
